By Priyanka Chard, Marketing Manager
“The deepest longing of the human soul is to be seen.” John O'Donohue
It is one of the first things we teach children: treat others the way you want to be treated. As a former primary school teacher, it was a phrase I returned to often. But the older I get, the more I notice how easy it is to lose sight of in busy working environments.
Across different roles and environments I have worked in, from volunteering with the Air Cadets to working across education, Armed Forces communities and now the charity sector, one thing has consistently stood out to me: although leadership and organisational values matter, culture is shaped by how people treat each other day to day.
The way we speak to people, include them and respond when they are struggling shapes how safe, supported and valued people feel at work.
Mental Health Awareness Month is a useful prompt to check in, connect and listen better. But culture is not shaped by awareness days alone. It is built quietly over time through everyday interactions between people.
Conversations on The Culture Colonel, hosted by our Head of Inclusion, Lindsay MacDuff MacDuff, featuring guests including Nick Wood and Siobhán Sheridan, inspired many of the reflections explored in this article. Nick and Siobhán spoke honestly about belonging, leadership and human connection in a way that felt real rather than rehearsed.
We are all role models
One point Siobhán Sheridan returned to repeatedly was this:
“We all take our behavioural cues from the people around us. Everyone is a role model. Not just those at the top, but everyone.”
Most organisations have values, mission statements or inclusion strategies. But culture is not created by words written on a wall or policies sitting untouched in a folder. It is brought to life through behaviour, tone and the everyday interactions people remember long after meetings and presentations have ended.
Culture also shows up in how someone responds to a question, whether people feel comfortable speaking honestly, or whether somebody new is welcomed into conversation or left to quietly work things out alone.
How we behave when we are busy, frustrated or under pressure shapes more than we probably realise.
One thing Nick Wood reflected on was the importance of really knowing your people, not just managing their output. In the Army, the expectation was to know your soldiers better than their mother.
Not because leaders needed to know every detail of somebody’s personal life, but because small changes in behaviour often tell you when somebody is struggling long before they say it out loud.
Who has gone quiet. Who seems distracted. Who is not quite themselves.
I thought about a senior colleague who often asks: “How’s Pri today?” Not how’s work. Not whether everything is on track. Just how am I? And then leaves space for the answer instead of rushing to fill the silence.
It is such a small interaction, but those are often the moments that make the biggest difference.
Belonging takes effort
Nick Wood also reflected on leaving the Army after 27 years and how difficult it was adjusting to a completely different environment, particularly with COVID arriving shortly afterwards.
What he missed most was not routine or structure, but belonging. Being part of a team that knew each other well, looked out for each other and shared the same highs and lows.
So he went looking for that connection. The cricket club. A local amateur dramatics society that unexpectedly led to appearing in a village pantomime.
It made me think about how invisible adjustment periods can be. Starting a new role, changing career, moving location, becoming a parent or leaving the Armed Forces can all quietly affect confidence, identity and belonging whilst life continues as normal around you.
As a military spouse, change has become a familiar part of life for me. Over time, I have realised how much even positive transitions can affect confidence, identity and sense of belonging, particularly when everything around you is expected to carry on as normal.
What I have appreciated most during those periods is simple human understanding. Someone taking the time to ask how things are going and genuinely listening to the answer. The kind of everyday interaction that can help people feel more settled, included and able to be themselves whilst navigating change.
Small moments like that often shape whether somebody feels they belong or not.
Helped, hugged or heard
One idea Siobhán shared that I have found myself repeating to several other people since hearing it is this:
When somebody comes to you with a problem, pause and ask yourself: do they need to be helped, hugged or heard?
Although simple, it is surprisingly powerful.
Helped is practical. They want advice, input or a solution.
Hugged is not necessarily literal. It is empathy, reassurance and presence rather than immediately trying to solve the problem.
Heard is simpler still. They need to feel properly listened to before anything else can happen.
I think many of us instinctively try to fix things because we want to help. But we never really know how long it has taken someone to open up in the first place. The way we respond in those moments can shape whether they choose to do it again.
Siobhán shared this in the context of conversations around the menopause and male colleagues worrying about saying the wrong thing. Her point was not that people need perfect answers or expert knowledge. Sometimes what matters most is creating enough safety for somebody to speak honestly in the first place.
Five small behaviours that can help shape culture
1. Listen to understand, not just respond: sometimes people need solutions. Sometimes they need reassurance. Sometimes they simply need space to speak honestly without being rushed towards an answer.
2. Stay curious about people: we rarely know the full context behind somebody’s behaviour, stress or reaction. Asking questions with empathy usually gets us further than assumptions do.
3. Make space for people to belong: small gestures of welcome and connection often shape whether somebody feels included far more than formal processes do.
4. Notice the quieter moments: changes in behaviour, energy or confidence are often visible long before somebody says they are struggling.
5. People experience culture through everyday behaviour: policies matter, but culture is often felt through small day to day interactions between people.
It starts with how we choose to show up for the people around us.