"No one turned round and asked me, why is Dougie Graham¹ drinking?"
In two episodes of The Culture Colonel podcast, host Lindsay MacDuff speaks with Dougie Morgan and Adam Powney about identity, authenticity and the experiences that shaped them.
In Hiding in Uniform, former Black Watch soldier Dougie Morgan reflects on serving during the ban on LGBT² personnel in the Armed Forces and the personal cost of concealing his sexuality for much of his military career.
In Coming Alive, stakeholder engagement manager and Army reservist Adam Powney reflects on confidence, authenticity and the relief that came when he no longer felt he had to hide who he was.
Their experiences are very different, but both reflect on the impact of hiding who you are and the freedom that comes when you no longer feel you have to.
As Pride prompts conversations about visibility and progress, both episodes remind us that behind those conversations are personal stories, shared in the words of the people who lived them.
The Personal Cost of Hiding
Throughout Hiding in Uniform, Dougie speaks candidly about the impact of spending years hiding an important part of who he was.
For much of his Army career, being open about his sexuality was not an option. He describes creating a version of himself that others expected to see whilst carrying the knowledge that he could not safely be his authentic self.
The consequences were not limited to one part of his life.
Dougie reflects on drinking heavily, struggling with his mental health and living with the pressure of maintaining a secret for decades. Looking back, he returns to a question nobody seemed to ask:
"No one turned round and asked me, why is Dougie Graham drinking?"
It's a striking observation because it shifts the focus from the behaviour itself to the reasons behind it.
Later in the conversation, describing a period when he was struggling with suicidal thoughts and feeling completely isolated, Dougie recalls calling the Samaritans in the early hours of the morning.
Reflecting on that conversation, he says:
"I just needed someone to sit and listen to my story."
It's a simple sentence, but one that sits at the heart of the episode.
Not because it offers an easy solution, but because it highlights the importance of being heard without judgement.
Coming Alive
Adam's story explores some of the same themes through a very different experience.
As a stakeholder engagement manager, Army reservist and member of the LGBTQIA+ community, he reflects on confidence, authenticity and the courage it can take to be yourself.
One of the most memorable parts of the conversation comes when he describes finally sharing his sexuality with the people around him.
"The moment I did that, what a relief."
He goes on to describe it as:
"the weight off your shoulders."
Rather than focusing on the act of telling people, Adam reflects on what changed afterwards.
He talks about feeling more part of the team, building stronger relationships and no longer spending mental energy worrying about how others might respond.
Reflecting on that experience, he says:
"I've never felt more part of a team."
Later, he adds:
"I suddenly came alive."
Those words became the title of the episode, reflecting the change Adam describes throughout the conversation.
Listening to Their Stories
Although their experiences are different, both conversations explore what it means to be yourself in environments where that has not always felt straightforward.
Their experiences are their own. What makes both conversations compelling is the willingness to share them honestly and allow others to learn from them.
Both episodes invite us to listen to experiences that may be different from our own.
Marking Pride
What connects both conversations is a willingness to speak openly about experiences that were difficult, personal and deeply human.
Pride Month offers an opportunity to celebrate progress. These conversations offer an opportunity to understand why that progress matters.
To hear their stories in full, listen to Hiding in Uniform with Dougie Morgan and Coming Alive with Adam Powney.
Search The Culture Colonel on your preferred podcast platform, or listen on Spotify using the links below.
Many of the themes explored in these conversations are also reflected in The Cultures We Quietly Create, which examines how culture is shaped through the behaviours, interactions and expectations people experience every day.